please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
