Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
