I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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