You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize