i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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