Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
