She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
