I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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