I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I intend to get homeless drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
