Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
