i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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