I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
