you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
