just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
