He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
