is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
