I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
