alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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