EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
being pregnant is like rehab
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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