Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
