my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
