grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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