Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
