I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
