Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
