Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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