did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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