Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
