The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
