Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
