ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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