they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
