man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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