Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this just has baby written all over it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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