Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
