He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
