sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
from now on my penis is your penis
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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