I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
