Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
