Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
