What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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