Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
