Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
