I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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