And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is wine microwaveable?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
