Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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