it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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