Sry I called you an 8
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
