After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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