The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
