I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
