i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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