Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
