this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
