if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just forgot I was standing up.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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