he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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