She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
