hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
