you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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