The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
