Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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