I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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