i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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