Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
