I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
