I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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