During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your penis caused this!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
