remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
