You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
