If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces