hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.