i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
