anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
