On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
