I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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