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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'll alert the authorities

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• (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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• (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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  23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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• (760): View more from California

  Houston, we have a blender

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  you don't go into accounting for the pussy....

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