Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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