note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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