2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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