i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
