Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
